a new normal

There are many stages in the life of a parent, and it never ceases to amaze me how quickly the unfamiliar becomes the standard. Each new phase seems so life-shattering, so daunting; but before you know it, it either comes to an end or has become a new normal. A once-obedient toddler learns how to use the word "no"; a small child straps on his backpack for the first day of school; a compliant, loving young man turns 13. And an ambitious 16 year-old passes his driving test to take another step towards independence.

Nick obtained his license in November, and I'll admit that a small part of me didn't want him to pass the test. As a mother, it is very rare to desire failure for your child, but my heart wasn't ready to set him free on the roads, to travel alongside drivers with many more years of experience. He'll tell you that I wasn't the model passenger while he was still operating under the limits of his permit: I was tense, panicked unnecessarily, and nearly wore a hole through the floor while using my imaginary brake pedal. Under Florida law, a new driver must have his or her permit for 1 year, and driven at least 50 hours, in order to become eligible for licensure. I thought a full year would provide adequate time for me to come to terms with the fact that my firstborn could be facing incidents of road rage, drunk drivers, and distracted motorists talking on their cell phones, unaware of the fact that they could be endangering my baby boy. But it wasn't.

When he walked into the lobby area of the DMV, his smile spoke volumes to me. He proudly held out his shiny little rectangle of freedom, and I gave him a hug. He probably thought I was showing him how proud I was of him, but in reality, I was holding on for dear life. I wasn't ready to let him go yet. It felt like it was just yesterday that Dan and I strapped our tiny newborn into his carseat for his first ride. He was so small, dwarfed by the safety gear surrounding him; his head lolled to the side, and we tucked blankets around it to prop it up. Dan drove so very carefully on our way home that day, both of us feeling the tremendous responsibility that came with this tiny person. And now here he was, looking me in the eye and holding out his hand in hopes that I would allow him to strap himself in and take me for my first ride.

Later that day, he took the wheel without an adult in the passenger seat, and I bit my lip as tears sprung to my eyes. His excitement was palpable, and I ran inside to retrieve my camera. The grin on his face filled my viewfinder, and then he was off. That day was more than two months ago already, and the transition has been much easier than I had anticipated. The convenience of having a third driver in the house has been monumental: he is more than happy to make the spur-of-the-moment run to the grocery store for a forgotten ingredient, is able to transport himself to-and-from work and activities, and is even willing to chauffeur his younger siblings around town.

My time sitting in the driver's seat has decreased a bit, and we have adjusted to our new normal. However, Andy will be able to apply for his learner's permit in June, and Cris's 13th birthday is just around the bend....